My story is a long one. Let me just start by talking about how I really didn’t know who I was for many years or who I could relate to. I knew I didn’t relate to straight people or gay people so I questioned. “Who was I?” It wasn’t until one year ago I actually found the transman world. Of course, I knew about trans women but I just didn’t give a thought to being a transman. My reason was that I grew up in a “God in Christ/Pentecostal” church. My mom was heavy in to Christianity my entire life. So my thoughts were that I would go to hell if I wanted to be with a woman deeper than friendship. I can remember thinking when I saw guys date chicks, that they didn’t deserve her and that I could treat her so much better plus I’m better looking..lol. So going back to the present time I am 43 and tired of being called girl or ma’am. In front of my partner it makes it even more embarrassing because I don’t relate to that. It would make me upset and therefore I would either be an ass to whom ever showed me the disrespect. My biggest fear with this whole decision in making myself happy and being me was my mother. I absolutely adore her and respect her. Hurting her would b terrible making her embarrassed was a major factor. I had to say to myself “Ren your mom is doing what makes her happy and so is everybody else why not you?” And That’s exactly what I am doing. Yes, of course there are times I wanna throw in the towel. But I don’t because I am living for me. There has been many situations throughout my life some happy some not so happy but at the end of the day I am finding myself through this new now makes life and I embrace it.
Invisible Men 